Zachary and his cousin Ben

Two Days Until Surgery

Oh my sweet little boy. I feel so bad for you that in two days your mouth and lip will be so sore. The surgeon says that you need another repair on your lip and on the inside of your lip/mouth. I know that it is needed and necessary because the repair done in China wasn't done as well as it could have been. Your lip is pulling so tight against your teeth that your upper teeth have so much pressure as if you were wearing braces. This will help to relieve the pressure that keeps building against your teeth.

Although I know that it is needed it doesn't make it any easier to see you go through the surgery. I am suppose to keep you very quiet for the next two weeks and also make sure that you don't bump your mouth for the next six weeks!

Six weeks?! How do I keep you from playing with your sister and the fun that you two have so much together? How do I tell you "no, you can't go to Playworld, no, you can't go to school, no, you can't go to speech, no, you can't rough house with your older brother, Ryan." How do I keep you from catching a cold so you don't cough and hurt your mouth or all of the stitches on your lip. (Which, by the way, your older brother and sisters are all coming down with a cold over the past day.)

How I hate to see little tears roll down your face as you fall asleep in the operating room like you did before when I was with you for your other surgery. Once, again, I will put on the scrubs and walk beside you as you lay on the bed, your little hand clenched in mine. Trusting mommy. Looking up at me as the doctor places the mask on your face and you breathe in the medicine air to put you to sleep. I will, once again, hold you and hug you as you drift off, give you a kiss and walk out of the operating room to wait. This time, though, I will never see your face the same as I have for the past year. The same smile will be changed forever. I am sad as this is so hard for me to trust the outcome. I love you so very much, Zachary, and I am scared for you. But I have to be strong so you won't be afraid. When you awake I know that you will be in pain. How this breaks my heart and I am praying that you will heal quickly and that your pain can be managed.

Sleep now, little Zachary, for tomorrow night will be very short as I have to get you up at 4:45 am on Friday morning to bring you to the hospital downtown. I love you so very much.

Mommy

Stacie having fun in our pool.

Stephanie and Zachary at my parent's cottage