Yixing Orphanage Visit (Social Welfare Institute)

Today was another major event for Yi Lai. It was the day that he said goodbye to his friends, nannies and home that he has known for over three years. In a sense, he said goodbye to the only home he can remember. It was also the beginning of Yi Lai opening up to who he really is.

As I am writing this Lai Lai is going around our hotel room putting everything back in its place and tidying up the place. Now he is giggling because Gord just fell asleep on the bed and he thinks that it is funny. He has the cutest laugh. His smile, which I hadn't seen in pictures before the adoption, is really cute too. Get the two kiddos together laughing and they get hysterical. Now what I really need help is in how to parent "twins". I think that the two of them with their strong personalities is going to be quite a handful for me. They seem to have fun together and yet really can bug each other too.

When we arrived at the orphanage we were met by the director. She quickly picked Lai Lai up and the other workers were all talking with him. I thought "oh no....don't do this" But being that she is the director I had to let her "take charge". She held Lai Lai's hand and brought him into the area where the children are. Since I could only take pictures outside I took as many as I could of the kids by the door. Andrea, I saw your little Matthew there. He is adorable and had a cute burgandy sweatshirt on and tan cords on. I told him that his mommy and daddy are coming to get him soon. He looks great and I wish so badly that they would have let me take pictures of him. I don't know why they have that policy. I told them that after you come to adopt him that we wanted to get our kids together. That didn't seem to matter. Then I saw where Lai Lai's crib is (was) and it is a stainless steel crib. I wasn't sure of what to think as I saw the empty bed. Our visit to the area where he lived was so short I didn't have much time to process anything. I think that the kids are in two rows of six. I saw quite a few special needs babies. I found out later that there was a little baby boy that Lai Lai especially liked who slept in the same room.

I also met the woman who looked after Lai Lai. She had tears in her eyes and seemed very caring. Lai Lai didn't want to go to her anymore. Which was very sad for her but was a good thing for me. He was clinging on to me. Again, I asked if I could take her picture so Lai Lai would have it for the future and was told no from the director. I could not do that either. Her teary eyes will be in my memory for a long time.

In the larger playroom next to Lai Lai's sleeping room were about 14 handicapped older children. As Gord was trying to be near them the director said that we had to go. I felt like it was a speedy whirlwind of a tour in the orphanage area that actually lasted only about 5-10 minutes. As we walked away from the orphanage section of the social welfare institute we said goodbye and Lai Lai appeared to become more relaxed. I told the director on Tuesday that we didn't have to spend a lot of time there but I felt the Lai Lai needed "closure" being that he is 3 1/2 years old. Even though our time was brief visiting the children it seemed to make a difference to Lai Lai. I wanted to hold these precious children who are considered special need children so badly but we couldn't because we were told we had to go. I tried to take in what I saw inside the orphanage in my mind.

Because we were visiting the orphanage they wanted us to stay for lunch. While we waited to have lunch at the Social Welfare Institute (SWI) I decided to take Lai Lai outside for a couple of pictures. Up to that point I hadn't seen a smile from him since we arrived at the orphanage. So I got out my camera and he smiled for me and was very happy. It was just Gord, the kids and I at that time and I think he finally felt relaxed. We had lunch with the Vice-director and a woman in charge of the nannies. Lai Lai ate a ton for lunch. They had so much food for us. It was very good. We spent a lot of time talking and asking questions. Amy, they asked how sha sha (Emma) is doing because they know that you and I are friends. I said when I saw you she was doing very well. And then Ann, I added that you little Eli was doing well too and that he has already had one of his surgeries. Angela, I told them that you and I were going to try to get our little guys together too--even though you live a few hours away from us.

(For those of you who don't already know, Amy, Ann, and I have adopted children from the same orphanage and we plan on getting the kids together. And Angela is going to be adopting Matthew soon who is also three years old from the same orphanage.)

When we returned to the van our wonderful guide, Jean, asked Lai Lai if he wanted to go home with us. He replied that he is happy and wants to go home with us! Our little kiddo was sooo excited and happy that he was coming home to stay wth us that he could hardly contain himself! He was almost bouncing off the the walls inside the van for the entire two hour trip home. I added a picture of him looking back at the orphanage when we left. We said bye bye and he was flying high after that. He kissed me two times on our way back. His eyes were brighter than ever and he even was blowing kisses. He started talking more in Chinese and I have even heard him singing. Truly a good day.

Can you imagine what a little 3 1/2 year old is thinking when he knows that his life is going to change for forever? It boggles my mind to think that he is so excited to come live with us. How do we have the honor of bringing him home to America where he has freedom and where his medical needs, spiritual needs, physical needs, and emotional needs can be met? Believe me, I am still asking God for wisdom each day in how to go about this daunting task of raising a child who has gone through so much in such a short time in his life. As Lai Lai struggles and cries so hard each time to go to sleep I pray Lord give me, or show me what I (we) need to do to help this little boy. He is so happy during the day but is fearful of falling asleep. Once he lets go and falls asleep at night he has been sleeping through the whole night.

Speaking of which it is time for me to go to sleep. Gord held Lai Lai once again while he cried so very hard while trying to fall asleep. Lai Lai keeps repeating the same phrase over and over while trying to fall asleep and I wish I knew what he was saying.

But now the he has drifted into sleep I need to get mine. You are all such a blessing to us. We are so far away and I am missing everyone. By this time next week we will be home as one big family.

Love,
Sue

On the way to the Yixing orphanage, After saying goodbye to his friends and nannies, Looking back on the orphanage as we drove away, The car ride back blowing kisses

Wednesday Oct 10 at approx 10:45 pm

The internet is very slow tonight, and so we've attached just one picture. Hopefully it shows up - it's a picture of Eli at Pizza Hut yesterday. (We're starting to call him both Lai Lai and Eli now - our guide only calls him Eli, and so we thought it was safe to start using both. Eventually we will transition to Zachary Eli, then just to Zachary. Maybe when he's older he will choose Eli - that's his call.)

Today we visited the Ming Tomb, as well as the Nanjing museum. The Ming Tomb is where the first emperor of the Ming Dynasty was buried 600 years ago. It is a very beautiful park with lots of statues of animals, warriors, etc., with trees all around. It was especially nice since it was a beautiful day today - high 70s, sunny and low humidity. The Nanjing museum has a ton of artifacts, but quite frankly it wasn't something that excited me all that much.

After the Ming Tom and the museum, we grabbed lunch quickly at a Chinese restaurant very near to the hotel. It was good. The kids took a long nap, and then we went down to Lake Xuanwu, which is a large lake near the hotel. We walked around there for a while, and at that point it was after 5 pm so we went to KFC for dinner. That went fine.

All in all, it was a fairly relaxing day. Tomorrow we head off to visit Eli's old orphanage. That's a 2 to 2.5 hour drive one way, but we think it will be worth it. The orphanage director tried to say that they were too busy, but our guide pushed her and she allowed us to visit tomorrow.

Since we've had Eli for almost a few days now, we're beginning to learn a lot more about him. For the most part, he probably has bonded more with me than with Sue, but that's starting to change and things are progressing with Sue nicely. Stacie tries to talk with and help Eli, but so far he has resisted that. Hopefully that will change soon. He also still cries somewhat when he goes to bed or when he wakes up. Not sure the reason, but this isn't as bad as it was a couple of days ago and I assume that this reflects Eli's dramatically changed world during the past few days.

Eli's personality is also starting to really show up - he laughs a fair amount, especially when he does something that he thinks may be a little out of bounds. He could be a handful later on if we don't set the ground rules now, which we are starting to do (of course in a loving way). I think he's going to be a great kid.

I thought it might be interesting to let you know some other things we have learned about Eli:

-He loves to eat. He loves watermelon, bananas and yogurt (the Chinese kind) for breakfast. For lunch and dinner, he likes rice (steamed or fried), dumplings, soup, chicken, pizza - and probably a bunch of other Chinese food that we haven't tried yet. He also likes a lot of water with his meals, and he likes hot milk anytime. By the way, I just learned today that Chinese adults typically like hot milk as well rather than cold milk.

-He is somewhat reserved (especially with new people), but then he warms up and likes to have fun.

-He will probably need some more work in his mouth area - perhaps some plastic surgery and other stuff. We'll also want to have his skin looked at because he has a number of marks on his legs. We thought they were bug bites but now we're not so sure. We'll have to check that out. There's some other things as well, but nothing major. It will be nice to have him get some medical attention.

-I think he's smart and is mechanically inclined. He is able to put things together, pull them apart, and in general figure stuff out. It's a good thing he has these abilities naturally, because he certainly wouldn't be learning this stuff from me!

-He's very independent and can do a lot of things for himself. Fortunately, this includes going to the bathroom (he's very reliable on that).

-Given the fact that it's been less than 72 hours, he has made very good strides towards bonding with us. It isn't perfect, but it's better than what I could have reasonably expected.

Unrelated to Eli, I have a few other random thoughts to share (some of you that have been to China will appreciate them):

-The way Chinese people drive still amazes me. They cut people off, don't pay attention to lanes, etc. Every day the driver of our minivan would probably be in 2 dozen accidents if he were driving in the US, but since everyone drives the same way it works out.

-For some odd reason some restaurants like to greet every customer with "Good morning" even when it's the afternoon or evening. Not sure I even have a guess as to why this is the case . . .

-Sometimes the English translation for Chinese advertisements or signs doesn't quite work out as well as planned. I recently read in the Wall Street Journal that China is attempting to correct these problems before the Olympics. A couple of quick examples from the Chinese supermarket that we went to a couple of days ago. First, when you enter the store, there is a huge sign which says "We welcome your coming." Also, there were signs in the store all over the place translating the Chinese name for the store as the "CE Market." But when you leave, there is a large sign which says "Thanks for shopping at RT Market." There are many other examples of this "Chinese English" that I could give. It's just kind of funny seeing the botched language.

Okay, that's it for tonight. Hopefully the internet will be faster tomorrow and we can attach more pictures.

Gord

More pictures from Monday. Gord and the kids talking with the older kids through the webcam. Old Town Nanjing at night. Lai Lai and mommy snuggling Monday night.

Adoption Day!

Today is the official day of Zachary's adoption. We met at the Civil Affairs Office in Nanjing to sign the documents. Then we were off shopping at the huge supermarket. Poor little Lai Lai (what we still call him) was so scared when we went up the escalator - I think the floor turning into steps kinds freaked him out a little. His little legs went wobbly and Gord quickly scooped him up and all was well again.

We went to lunch and then we all took about a 3-4 hour nap! I know that this leaves little time for blogging but we find that we all need our rest and so Gord and I rest/sleep when the kids sleep. which is what they are doing now and so I need to make this blog short. Although I have so much to say.

Big strides are happening in the way the Lai Lai is responding to me. He is letting me into his world and tonight he climbed onto my lap and let me look at books with him. Later, he called for me to come over to the window and sit with him while he looked down on all of the night time activity outside below our window. He was laughing when I was brushing his teeth and before bed we snuggled on the sofa and he was hugging me! Of course he thinks that daddy is the coolest but I am fine with that. I am thrilled that he is trusting us and really bonding with Gord. Gord has been so patient with Lai and it is really wonderful to see the two interact with each other. Since Stacie is so close to me this is really working out well. Stacie is not quite sure about Lai Lai now taking to me and her jealousy (sp?) is a learing time for her. I tried to tell her that mommy and daddy share things and she helped list everything that Gord and I share so that she could see how she and Lai Lai need to share too (including sharing her mommy.)

After our long nap we went to Pizza Hut for dinner. Lai really liked the pizza! We really got the looks when I was pushing the two kiddos in a double stroller down the busy sidewalk in China. Just love seeing people's reaction. The buildings light up at night and the atmosphere is carnival/Disney like here in China.

Can you imagine going to all of these places for the first time? Think of Disney World at night with all of the gazillion people all around you and that is probably how Lai Lai feels in many of the situations we are now in.

We hardly took any pictures today and since everyone is sleeping I am not sure where our cable for our camera is. Sooo..I am afraid I'll have to post pictures later. Gord or I will post more details too. I am going to get my rest too. We are enjoying our time getting to know each other as a family minus our very special three kids who are at home. We miss you Steph, Sarah and Ryan soooo very much!

Thank you so much for your comments and prayers. We are reading and saving your comments to share with Zachary when he is older. We want him to know how much he has been wanted and anticipated.

Many hugs,

Sue

We Have Zachary!

This has been a wonderful day! Zachary (we still call him Lai Lai for now) grieved for less than an hour. The crying was very difficult but necessary. It was a good thing because to me that means that he was attached to his caregivers and that he can "attach" again. It is better that he can get out the pain by crying than to bottle it up inside.

I am going to make this post very short because I need to get some sleep. Both of the kids are sleeping and so is Gordon so I need to rest too. Things are progressing well. It has only been 12 hours since we have had Lai Lai and he is bonding with Gord. His primary care giver is a man who we met today. He is very nice and really cares about Lai Lai. Gord has been giving Lai Lai his food and drink and is caring for him. Lai Lai smiles a lot for Gord and laughs quite a bit for him. Gord is doing a great job and I know that he loves him so very much.

By the end of the day Lai Lai let me cuddle with him with a sippy cup of water. It made me feel good that he is letting me inside his world too. I know that this process takes time and as long as he is doing well with Gord I will be patient. He is such a shy and sweet boy. Stacie is the best little sister. She is patient with him and is having fun with him.

Tomorrow morning we need to go and finalize the adoption. Lai Lai will again see his care giver and I am curious to see how he reacts to him. After the adoption we are going shopping. Most all of the clothes that I brought for Lai Lai fit him. After his bath tonight (which he was giggling quite a bit) he tried on some of the clothes for me. He is now wearing his new baseball pjs.

We so appreciate your continued prayers. I certainly feel them and welcome them.

Love,
Sue (mom to 5 - wow!) : )

We will post tomorrow morning.